Texts From Last Night · psychosimian's Favorites

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psychosimian's Favorites Texts:

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(480): View more from Arizona

Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.

Fav 3 47 6
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement

Fav 2 35 94
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(585): View more from New York

I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila

Fav 0 30 19
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(310): View more from California

Seriously where are the good guys?

(559): View more from California

The friend zone.

Fav 4 41 74
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(651): View more from Minnesota

"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.

Fav 6 1243 771
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.

Fav 1 86 9
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(225): View more from Louisiana

I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean

Fav 1 47 89
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(269): View more from Michigan

You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs

Fav 5 1138 602
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