Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Life is so much better after having sex.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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