Texts From Last Night · warm_waffles's Favorites

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warm_waffles's Favorites Texts:

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

My vibrator challenges you to a duel.

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(816): View more from Missouri

He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.

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(706): View more from Georgia

I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.

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(519): View more from Ontario

That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock

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(619): View more from California

Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck

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(317): View more from Indiana

You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.

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