My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
