Texts From Last Night · kiwi817's Favorites

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kiwi817's Favorites Texts:

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(712): View more from Iowa

when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face

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(805): View more from California

Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!

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(315): View more from New York

Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?

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(208): View more from Idaho

That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.

(208): View more from Idaho

Especially drunk mermaids.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.

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