Texts From Last Night · Farore's Favorites

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Farore's Favorites Texts:

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(847): View more from Illinois

We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.

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(425): View more from Washington

He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.

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(805): View more from California

I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water

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(219): View more from Indiana

the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.

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(219): View more from Indiana

If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise

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(859): View more from Kentucky

We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free

(502): View more from Kentucky

Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.

(1-270): View more from Kentucky

Hey I found a cat!

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.

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(678): View more from Georgia

why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?

(770): View more from Georgia

I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle

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(270): View more from Kentucky

So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.

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(956): View more from Texas

I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.

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(905): View more from Ontario

i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself

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(949): View more from California

I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.

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(425): View more from Washington

He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.

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(425): View more from Washington

I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.

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(516): View more from New York

It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post

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(720): View more from Colorado

Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.

(970): View more from Colorado

I'm that good.

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(817): View more from Texas

getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

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(914): View more from New York

He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.

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(212): View more from New York

You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.

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(631): View more from New York

By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.

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(630): View more from Illinois

We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds

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(415): View more from California

If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will

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(906): View more from Michigan

hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves

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(330): View more from Ohio

Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong

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(650): View more from California

Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge

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(425): View more from Washington

I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.

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(716): View more from New York

Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.

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(231): View more from Michigan

It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.

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(636): View more from Missouri

I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.

(636): View more from Missouri

And then audibly agreed

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(719): View more from Colorado

I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.

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(416): View more from Toronto

I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.

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(517): View more from Michigan

Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.

(806): View more from Texas

That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.

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(706): View more from Georgia

He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.

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(512): View more from Texas

Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall

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(228): View more from Mississippi

Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.

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(714): View more from California

I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

(949): View more from California

I gave it to your brother to give to you.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.

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(214): View more from Texas

Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.

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(734): View more from Michigan

I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed

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(949): View more from California

I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever

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(907): View more from Alaska

Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.

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(585): View more from New York

You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.

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(989): View more from Michigan

I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

i have an important question...can you drink in jail?

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(819): View more from Quebec

I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.

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(571): View more from Virginia

Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero

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(520): View more from Arizona

Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.

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(845): View more from New York

It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love

(1-860): View more from Connecticut

I remember it like it was tomorrow.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?

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(513): View more from Ohio

Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there

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(618): View more from Illinois

Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.

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(805): View more from California

I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.

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(315): View more from New York

She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...

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(304): View more from West Virginia

drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.

(303): View more from Colorado

God I adore you.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.

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(514): View more from Quebec

its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky

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(212): View more from New York

He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode

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(650): View more from California

i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra

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(443): View more from Maryland

I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?

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(970): View more from Colorado

The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity

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(778): View more from British Columbia

We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.

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(760): View more from California

Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.

(619): View more from California

I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.

(760): View more from California

I referred to the cat as amicable.

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(407): View more from Florida

Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.

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(425): View more from Washington

What goes on in that head of yours?

(206): View more from Washington

Gay sex, for the most part. Why?

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(289): View more from Ontario

If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?

(1-513): View more from Ohio

Every day of my life.

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(905): View more from Ontario

I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings

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(419): View more from Ohio

two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome

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(303): View more from Colorado

I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you

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(859): View more from Kentucky

did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring

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(719): View more from Colorado

tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.

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(361): View more from Texas

like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick

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(917): View more from New York City

and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

The Swedes wanted a tensome.

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(937): View more from Ohio

you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.

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(415): View more from California

was it good sex?

(510): View more from California

i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was

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(415): View more from California

sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

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(519): View more from Ontario

DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.

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(305): View more from Florida

he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth

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(212): View more from New York

He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall

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(315): View more from New York

i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.

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(762): View more from Georgia

Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.

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(253): View more from Washington

Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.

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(707): View more from California

You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break

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(313): View more from Michigan

Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.

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(626): View more from California

HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?

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(209): View more from California

nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw

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(816): View more from Missouri

Absence makes the cock grow harder.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"

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(251): View more from Alabama

As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.

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(301): View more from Maryland

you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.

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(602): View more from Arizona

69 |D_O

(1-602): View more from Arizona

wtf does that mean??

(602): View more from Arizona

it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.

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(815): View more from Illinois

there was naked duck duck goose

(703): View more from Virginia

how does that even get suggested?!

(815): View more from Illinois

after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal

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(251): View more from Alabama

About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.

(1-918): View more from Oklahoma

Shut up. I did not.

(918): View more from Oklahoma

I really wish I was making that up.

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(515): View more from Iowa

So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.

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(281): View more from Texas

I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.

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(713): View more from Texas

I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

(512): View more from Texas

babe, don't say it like that!

(713): View more from Texas

I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Ask politely.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Thats good enough.

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(937): View more from Ohio

[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]

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(410): View more from Maryland

I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.

(1-410): View more from Maryland

I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.

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(706): View more from Georgia

We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.

(1-706): View more from Georgia

Where's it at?

(706): View more from Georgia

In your pants.

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(817): View more from Texas

i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side

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(870): View more from Arkansas

do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?

(1-870): View more from Arkansas

well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic

(870): View more from Arkansas

what chic?

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.

(1-321): View more from Florida Space Coast

he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.

(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

no his phone, idiot.

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(734): View more from Michigan

A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks

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(303): View more from Colorado

Say it nicely.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

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(404): View more from Georgia

The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.

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(419): View more from Ohio

This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?

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(417): View more from Missouri

I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.

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(516): View more from New York

Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."

(423): View more from Tennessee

Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.

(814): View more from Pennsylvania

No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.

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(513): View more from Ohio

sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.

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(302): View more from Delaware

I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.

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(805): View more from California

My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes

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(512): View more from Texas

My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.

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(514): View more from Quebec

..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.

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(314): View more from Missouri

he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

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(308): View more from Nebraska

i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .

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(714): View more from California

i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick

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(916): View more from California

He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants

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(847): View more from Illinois

I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.

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(256): View more from Alabama

I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on

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(614): View more from Ohio

I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.

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(720): View more from Colorado

You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar

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(240): View more from Maryland

I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.

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(518): View more from New York

I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.

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(207): View more from Maine

I think we should see other people.

(1-207): View more from Maine

Already working on it.

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(214): View more from Texas

A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

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(301): View more from Maryland

look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

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(561): View more from Florida

I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..

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(541): View more from Oregon

What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?

(503): View more from Oregon

3some

(541): View more from Oregon

You're right, stupid question.

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(845): View more from New York

So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.

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(315): View more from New York

We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same

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(423): View more from Tennessee

If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.

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(219): View more from Indiana

I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night

(401): View more from Rhode Island

no, that is not a typo

(401): View more from Rhode Island

i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday

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(716): View more from New York

Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?

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(585): View more from New York

you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated

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(716): View more from New York

Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!

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(936): View more from Texas

You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.

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(317): View more from Indiana

and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks

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(770): View more from Georgia

At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?

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(281): View more from Texas

It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.

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(440): View more from Ohio

We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...

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(602): View more from Arizona

i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.

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(937): View more from Ohio

pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...

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(604): View more from British Columbia

She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.

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(705): View more from Ontario

he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me

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(315): View more from New York

playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps

(315): View more from New York

warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey

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(248): View more from Michigan

it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world

(1-248): View more from Michigan

i told you not to try chat roulette

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I wanna come home

(1-270): View more from Kentucky

And do what?

(270): View more from Kentucky

Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.

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(309): View more from Illinois

We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.

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(702): View more from Nevada

His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent

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(716): View more from New York

We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.

(907): View more from Alaska

well done

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(310): View more from California

it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined

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(219): View more from Indiana

where are my pants?

(1-219): View more from Indiana

you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm

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(818): View more from California

my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you

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(513): View more from Ohio

NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...

(1-513): View more from Ohio

God I fucking love America.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers

(1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

6 min

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(214): View more from Texas

I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.

(1-214): View more from Texas

that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary

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(201): View more from New Jersey

i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.

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(740): View more from Ohio

I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?

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(813): View more from Florida

yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...

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(951): View more from California

So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.

(909): View more from California

dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?

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(270): View more from Kentucky

you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.

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(607): View more from New York

I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name

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(804): View more from Virginia

no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies

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(864): View more from South Carolina

weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.

(612): View more from Minnesota

I wish i was spraying into your jaw.

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(443): View more from Maryland

remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.

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