I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
