**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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