he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
