Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
