I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just saw a hot homeless man
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
