absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
