We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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