So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
