well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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