This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
