Texts From Last Night · msb76's Favorites

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(650): View more from California

Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah

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(434): View more from Virginia

So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.

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(678): View more from Georgia

You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.

(404): View more from Georgia

Do you think he can smell the vodka?

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(586): View more from Michigan

If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?

(313): View more from Michigan

YES

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(847): View more from Illinois

There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.

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(914): View more from New York

so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling

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(619): View more from California

I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.

(515): View more from Iowa

I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.

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(561): View more from Florida

Bad news is he broke up with me via text message

(561): View more from Florida

But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville

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(925): View more from California

You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award

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(440): View more from Ohio

He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim

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(216): View more from Ohio

Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?

(1-216): View more from Ohio

Lol no its called college

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(631): View more from New York

This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.

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(810): View more from Michigan

I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday

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(440): View more from Ohio

You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

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(518): View more from New York

She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.

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(586): View more from Michigan

A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women

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(609): View more from New Jersey

It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years

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(708): View more from Illinois

Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"

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(816): View more from Missouri

Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina

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(480): View more from Arizona

Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?

(774): View more from Massachusetts

Someone just got laid.

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(813): View more from Florida

my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me

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(520): View more from Arizona

while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.

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(228): View more from Mississippi

She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her

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(210): View more from Texas

drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend

(1-210): View more from Texas

I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.

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(281): View more from Texas

I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.

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(626): View more from California

he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??

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(985): View more from Louisiana

Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.

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(469): View more from Texas

There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice

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(773): View more from Illinois

When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"

(312): View more from Illinois

Prob not but she was surprised

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.

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(207): View more from Maine

I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?

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(425): View more from Washington

i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.

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(705): View more from Ontario

i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole

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(714): View more from California

I need hand sanitizer and jesus.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.

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(971): View more from Oregon

I have two black x marks on my hands.

(503): View more from Oregon

Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

(971): View more from Oregon

damnit I wish I could remember that.

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(540): View more from Virginia

did you hook up at the wedding?

(1-540): View more from Virginia

No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.

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(316): View more from Kansas

I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper

(785): View more from Kansas

He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?

(1-630): View more from Illinois

Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.

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(718): View more from New York

You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.

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(404): View more from Georgia

boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.

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(240): View more from Maryland

were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?

(301): View more from Maryland

yes! wait why?

(240): View more from Maryland

because i found it in my pocket this morning...

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time

(1-763): View more from Minnesota

Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted

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(972): View more from Texas

I'm scared

(337): View more from Louisiana

There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.

(972): View more from Texas

That's what I'm afraid of

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her

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(951): View more from California

Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.

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(805): View more from California

Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.

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(404): View more from Georgia

dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?

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(620): View more from Kansas

my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts

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(940): View more from Texas

we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"

(646): View more from New York

how do you like your eggs?

(865): View more from Tennessee

over tits

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(919): View more from North Carolina

She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!

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(214): View more from Texas

We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.

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(917): View more from New York City

I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.

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(419): View more from Ohio

We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball

(419): View more from Ohio

And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY

(614): View more from Ohio

handstands? WTF?

(405): View more from Oklahoma

she was a gymnast

(614): View more from Ohio

go to hell.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.

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(562): View more from California

We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.

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(713): View more from Texas

You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin

(954): View more from Florida

Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on

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(813): View more from Florida

I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.

(1-813): View more from Florida

Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.

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(440): View more from Ohio

obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night

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(612): View more from Minnesota

she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)

(708): View more from Illinois

WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE

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(614): View more from Ohio

Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars

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(937): View more from Ohio

You went to church with your boobs hanging out?

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?

(1-248): View more from Michigan

Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.

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(360): View more from Washington

Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude

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(917): View more from New York City

I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.

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(847): View more from Illinois

i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding

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(425): View more from Washington

couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.

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(708): View more from Illinois

blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes

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(714): View more from California

I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

(949): View more from California

I gave it to your brother to give to you.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?

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(970): View more from Colorado

we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome

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(631): View more from New York

so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.

(631): View more from New York

what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK

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(847): View more from Illinois

My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo

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(425): View more from Washington

the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side

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(253): View more from Washington

I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.

(281): View more from Texas

No. Just liquor. Time's no good.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time

(732): View more from New Jersey

no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.

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(631): View more from New York

I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.

(631): View more from New York

Cruelly.

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(817): View more from Texas

Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.

(1-859): View more from Kentucky

Well... I doubt that.

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(903): View more from Texas

Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.

(1-314): View more from Missouri

Me specifically?

(903): View more from Texas

Yep.

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(772): View more from Florida

Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend

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(310): View more from California

can your parents tell?

(310): View more from California

i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know

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(408): View more from California

I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible

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(609): View more from New Jersey

How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?

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(317): View more from Indiana

Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.

(614): View more from Ohio

Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money

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(845): View more from New York

i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7

(1-845): View more from New York

id pin you as more of an 8

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(416): View more from Toronto

Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?

(1-918): View more from Oklahoma

Woah.

(918): View more from Oklahoma

that's not how you spell hell yes.

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(406): View more from Montana

She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.

(409): View more from Texas

That was definitely the right answer.

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(320): View more from Minnesota

Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...

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(516): View more from New York

if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine

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(773): View more from Illinois

is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?

(773): View more from Illinois

it's more of a rinse.

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(813): View more from Florida

I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???

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(712): View more from Iowa

Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.

(714): View more from California

Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."

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(516): View more from New York

just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination

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(323): View more from California

Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.

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(210): View more from Texas

I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job

(917): View more from New York City

You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.

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(703): View more from Virginia

If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?

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(757): View more from Virginia

i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work

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(631): View more from New York

I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...

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(410): View more from Maryland

As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?

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(936): View more from Texas

im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...

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(513): View more from Ohio

She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....

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(281): View more from Texas

So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?

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(503): View more from Oregon

I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves

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(613): View more from Ontario

Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.

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(760): View more from California

The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.

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(512): View more from Texas

The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?

(319): View more from Iowa

Yes. For all mankind please do.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.

(519): View more from Ontario

She did the bend and snap...

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(212): View more from New York

I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.

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(345): View more from Cayman Islands

so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper

(574): View more from Indiana

well at least shes not calling you fat anymore

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(718): View more from New York

at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls

(1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome

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(972): View more from Texas

You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'

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(407): View more from Florida

this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

it's like her boobs came off with her bra

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(510): View more from California

he said he didn't have a condom.

(415): View more from California

and you said?

(510): View more from California

that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

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(410): View more from Maryland

what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!

(1-410): View more from Maryland

the part where you beat me to him

(410): View more from Maryland

fair enough.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent

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(505): View more from New Mexico

My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.

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