Texts From Last Night · grover's Favorites

Sorry mmanor hasn't picked any favorites yet.

grover's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

(480): View more from Arizona

I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."

(1-480): View more from Arizona

SHUT IT DOWN.

Fav 58 962 5837
share tweet
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

yo im tryna cop a beej tonight

Fav 24 2928 1094
share tweet

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"

Fav 20 5360 1329
share tweet
(251): View more from Alabama

Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance

(303): View more from Colorado

It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.

Fav 16 2721 1063
share tweet
(828): View more from North Carolina

Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.

Fav 15 6287 1792
share tweet
(818): View more from California

This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.

Fav 39 2024 5159
share tweet

(424): View more from California

Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?

Fav 2 1283 2028
share tweet

(248): View more from Michigan

Yo dont text me then not text me

Fav 6 914 1285
share tweet
(209): View more from California

it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits

Fav 22 1399 7621
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space

Fav 27 4962 888
share tweet
(226): View more from Ontario

forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.

Fav 15 8246 1440
share tweet

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"

Fav 52 4938 1271
share tweet

(646): View more from New York

There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.

(1-646): View more from New York

Your pregnant arnt you

Fav 21 2028 5765
share tweet
(310): View more from California

Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?

(770): View more from Georgia

b/c u have herpes

(310): View more from California

No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.

Fav 19 1357 5889
share tweet

(608): View more from Wisconsin

I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.

Fav 28 3079 12624
share tweet
(509): View more from Washington

the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating

Fav 17 4764 1312
share tweet
(410): View more from Maryland

:)

(443): View more from Maryland

Wipe that smile off your face.

Fav 28 6527 1165
share tweet
(204): View more from Manitoba

She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous

Fav 17 9298 1044
share tweet
(214): View more from Texas

Big sunglasses are the new paper bag

(817): View more from Texas

ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex

Fav 38 3287 1046
share tweet
(386): View more from Florida

I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.

Fav 44 2225 5949
share tweet
(301): View more from Maryland

Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again

Fav 29 1376 3180
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.

Fav 41 4874 1305
share tweet
(954): View more from Florida

Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.

Fav 45 1160 2483
share tweet
(714): View more from California

im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF

Fav 12 2552 869
share tweet
(425): View more from Washington

I proposed and she said yes man.

(1-425): View more from Washington

You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?

Fav 25 6172 1202
share tweet
(614): View more from Ohio

...is it true? will i see you next weekend

(248): View more from Michigan

YES.

(614): View more from Ohio

ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us

Fav 22 4073 1417
share tweet
(516): View more from New York

Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now

Fav 9 1772 4896
share tweet
(708): View more from Illinois

Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"

Fav 42 1769 15027
share tweet
(206): View more from Washington

weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions

Fav 12 5909 1309
share tweet
(434): View more from Virginia

NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.

Fav 20 7074 1543
share tweet
(818): View more from California

I hate you but I'm not in hate with you

Fav 5 1993 867
share tweet
(440): View more from Ohio

I love you

(720): View more from Colorado

are you drunk

(440): View more from Ohio

yes but I def love you, we should get married

(720): View more from Colorado

But I'm Jewish

(440): View more from Ohio

embrace Jesus

Fav 9 3504 1159
share tweet
(704): View more from North Carolina

The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.

Fav 20 8271 1582
share tweet
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?

(206): View more from Washington

Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.

Fav 56 1375 3374
share tweet
(973): View more from New Jersey

no. you can't hotbox the world.

Fav 54 5721 1201
share tweet
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off

Fav 86 1755 10795
share tweet
(925): View more from California

This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class

Fav 9 2586 884
share tweet
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off

Fav 17 5943 1651
share tweet
(573): View more from Missouri

You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.

Fav 23 7004 2477
share tweet
(919): View more from North Carolina

I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during

Fav 21 3714 881
share tweet
(415): View more from California

Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um

Fav 8 839 1811
share tweet
(860): View more from Connecticut

And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that

Fav 37 2727 6963
share tweet
(601): View more from Mississippi

You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa

Fav 33 7994 1378
share tweet
(561): View more from Florida

george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.

Fav 159 6423 2441
share tweet
(404): View more from Georgia

FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night

(1-404): View more from Georgia

haha good one..how did you even know?

(404): View more from Georgia

we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.

Fav 46 5529 1810
share tweet
(937): View more from Ohio

there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts

Fav 28 5641 844
share tweet
(831): View more from California

Hey, what are you up to?

(802): View more from Vermont

Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.

(802): View more from Vermont

Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.

Fav 16 2971 1197
share tweet
(360): View more from Washington

I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.

Fav 13 4714 1130
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.

Fav 18 4233 1271
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...

Fav 47 8651 1377
share tweet
(225): View more from Louisiana

i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip

(1-225): View more from Louisiana

whats a bus flip?

(225): View more from Louisiana

idk but apparently i invented it

Fav 23 10169 1407
share tweet
(+61): View more from Australia

I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.

Fav 10 6027 1147
share tweet
(305): View more from Florida

Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever

(615): View more from Tennessee

She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister

Fav 89 8203 1840
share tweet
(831): View more from California

There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.

Fav 25 7582 1108
share tweet
(214): View more from Texas

dude. I'm so drunk.

(972): View more from Texas

pete, this is bryce's mom

(214): View more from Texas

I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

(972): View more from Texas

pete, this is still bryce's mom

Fav 180 38253 5878
share tweet
(513): View more from Ohio

She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.

Fav 21 1207 4035
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies

(703): View more from Virginia

and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"

Fav 7 1040 2989
share tweet
(520): View more from Arizona

just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store

Fav 12 4189 1418
share tweet
(585): View more from New York

you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish

Fav 17 8745 1244
share tweet
(978): View more from Massachusetts

Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave

(617): View more from Massachusetts

dude are you serious?

(978): View more from Massachusetts

I know you already have a pic on your phone

Fav 95 2935 3503
share tweet
(267): View more from Pennsylvania

After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest

Fav 42 28637 1529
share tweet
(214): View more from Texas

I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.

Fav 19 7262 1772
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.

Fav 10 1044 3454
share tweet
(334): View more from Alabama

i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face

(1-334): View more from Alabama

so you're single again?

(334): View more from Alabama

yea but it was worth it

Fav 46 5379 1432
share tweet
(614): View more from Ohio

The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray

Fav 7 3310 859
share tweet
(301): View more from Maryland

i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c

Fav 11 3529 821
share tweet
(415): View more from California

Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.

Fav 22 4881 904
share tweet
(734): View more from Michigan

I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me

Fav 5 929 1200
share tweet
(845): View more from New York

As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth

Fav 9 5107 1089
share tweet
(956): View more from Texas

You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.

Fav 22 6004 1297
share tweet
(720): View more from Colorado

I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was

Fav 58 17389 2470
share tweet
(228): View more from Mississippi

I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!

Fav 50 10895 1276
share tweet
(772): View more from Florida

I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.

Fav 26 1144 4102
share tweet
(563): View more from Iowa

I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.

Fav 20 1334 4859
share tweet
(219): View more from Indiana

So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?

Fav 14 993 2646
share tweet
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...

Fav 53 12722 1796
share tweet
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me

Fav 38 6384 1128
share tweet
(770): View more from Georgia

I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.

Fav 20 3894 1028
share tweet
(360): View more from Washington

i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man

(206): View more from Washington

?

(360): View more from Washington

he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!

Fav 27 4538 1136
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.

Fav 26 14204 1600
share tweet
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted

(1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

how much adderall did you take today?

Fav 14 5652 1473
share tweet
(928): View more from Arizona

She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.

Fav 31 8893 3421
share tweet
(575): View more from New Mexico

I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.

Fav 24 4556 1136
share tweet
(508): View more from Massachusetts

no, didnt close...

(978): View more from Massachusetts

What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...

Fav 13 1345 6465
share tweet
(912): View more from Georgia

This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.

Fav 39 1819 6918
share tweet
(928): View more from Arizona

Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

Fav 56 31648 2127
share tweet
(908): View more from New Jersey

btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.

Fav 10 5515 1077
share tweet
(831): View more from California

period poops. best. ever.

(925): View more from California

omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...

Fav 144 2259 19971
share tweet
(586): View more from Michigan

You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?

(1-586): View more from Michigan

You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.

Fav 22 8290 1149
share tweet
(201): View more from New Jersey

You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.

Fav 23 12074 1396
share tweet
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

Fav 124 42104 3339
share tweet
(580): View more from Oklahoma

Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.

Fav 57 2667 4835
share tweet
(617): View more from Massachusetts

i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.

Fav 50 5301 1949
share tweet
(831): View more from California

I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.

Fav 15 9304 1177
share tweet
(585): View more from New York

please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.

Fav 68 12565 3324
share tweet
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.

Fav 32 11988 1710
share tweet
(727): View more from Florida

Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.

Fav 36 7474 1736
share tweet
(951): View more from California

So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.

(909): View more from California

dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?

Fav 43 7383 1444
share tweet
(229): View more from Georgia

College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant

Fav 67 6022 1990
share tweet
(910): View more from North Carolina

So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon

Fav 17 4396 1395
share tweet
(603): View more from New Hampshire

Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying

Fav 10 8086 1117
share tweet
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad

Fav 20 11547 1164
share tweet
(906): View more from Michigan

Dude, I think my check liver light just came on

Fav 29 8228 1683
share tweet
(952): View more from Minnesota

Sacagawea was the original milf.

Fav 39 5532 1220
share tweet
(507): View more from Minnesota

i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.

Fav 14 6639 1118
share tweet
(816): View more from Missouri

I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.

Fav 61 19438 1815
share tweet
(216): View more from Ohio

normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures

Fav 25 8552 1169
share tweet
(858): View more from California

you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"

Fav 43 9165 1788
share tweet
(816): View more from Missouri

My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.

Fav 34 1582 10021
share tweet
(212): View more from New York

Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!

Fav 26 4405 1080
share tweet
(404): View more from Georgia

I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.

(812): View more from Indiana

I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?

Fav 25 14582 1149
share tweet
(401): View more from Rhode Island

how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?

Fav 67 17830 2410
share tweet
(616): View more from Michigan

every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.

Fav 10 4172 970
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.

Fav 17 8490 1037
share tweet
(678): View more from Georgia

so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.

Fav 27 1725 9491
share tweet
(914): View more from New York

Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.

Fav 44 5785 1163
share tweet
(202): View more from Washington, DC

Who haven't you slept with?

(703): View more from Virginia

No one comes to mind.

Fav 7 1798 937
share tweet
(213): View more from California

she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies

Fav 33 2893 5171
share tweet
(801): View more from Utah

I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.

(1-801): View more from Utah

We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.

(801): View more from Utah

I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!

Fav 31 7484 1151
share tweet
(443): View more from Maryland

Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis

(757): View more from Virginia

your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.

Fav 46 5882 2364
share tweet
(614): View more from Ohio

You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year

Fav 85 3609 1785
share tweet
(310): View more from California

Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.

Fav 15 4370 845
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'

Fav 55 1617 11180
share tweet
(805): View more from California

before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.

Fav 41 5370 1289
share tweet
(973): View more from New Jersey

i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.

Fav 13 3175 832
share tweet
(203): View more from Connecticut

There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go

(860): View more from Connecticut

Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head

Fav 41 5123 840
share tweet
(484): View more from Pennsylvania

New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport

Fav 40 4289 807
share tweet
(612): View more from Minnesota

So do you want to come over? ;)

(763): View more from Minnesota

Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.

Fav 44 1581 7276
share tweet
(904): View more from Florida

my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you

(386): View more from Florida

girlfriend?

Fav 21 1130 9741
share tweet
(973): View more from New Jersey

too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.

(507): View more from Minnesota

she is a standing ovation.

Fav 14 1037 3477
share tweet
(707): View more from California

Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.

Fav 47 3794 1631
share tweet
(352): View more from Florida

You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.

Fav 12 5371 946
share tweet
(312): View more from Illinois

I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm

Fav 37 9559 2039
share tweet