she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
