You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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