ya dads aren't the best wingmen
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
