Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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