do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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