I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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