I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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