Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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