if i can run in heels then i can drive
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
