at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
