sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
no you cant smoke seaweed
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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