My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
