My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
