brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
