THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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