One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
