we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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