I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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