Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
