I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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