he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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