I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
