oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
