Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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