1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
