I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
