Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
