well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
