We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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