well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
