i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
