You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
