it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
